Sigh...

Made it through another Christmas...

Nolan had a blast...we were busy...I am tired...Nolan is with his daddio for a week....I am lonely already...oh woe is me...I miss my bug...ALOT

Anyone got anything for me to do??

Secrets with a toddler...

are impossible, but so much fun!!

Lemme explain....

Following Nolan's trip to see the Big "S", aka, Santa, on Saturday, gramma, aka my mom, whoa, I can tell this is gonna get confusing real fast...try to stay with me here folks...had some grocery shopping she needed to get done for Christmas Eve's dinner.  I wanted to make a quick stop at the bank (Have I ever mentioned how much I love the fact that banks are open on Saturdays??!!...this is getting off topic...Focus Lisa...Focus)...as I was leaving the car, my mom asked Nolan "Do you want to see what you bought mommy for Christmas??"...Of course his response was yes...off I wandered to the bank, and they sat in the car to admire the beauty of my gift.  Now, let's keep in mind here, that Nolan is a 3 year old, well I guess almost 4 (holy snotballs!!!!!!!) year old boy...I can ask numerous times what he did at taytare, and his response is always "Played".  True enough I suppose...but one day, I would love for him to elaborate, just a smidge.

Now, I had gotten back to the car, and heard my mom telling Nolan to quick, "put it back in the bag....and don't tell mommy, because it is a secret!!..."...I looked in the backseat at my son, and I saw his eyes dance and sparkle like I have never seen before - all because he knew something I didn't.  I asked "Can you give me a hint?"...nope.  "Are you gonna tell mommy??"...nope.  "is it a...polar bear??"....No Mommy, it's a Penguin!!! And outta the bag it came!! 

Hahaha, easy peasy!!  If anyone else wants to tell him what they bought me, he is a GREAT listener - just wanted ya to know!

If you expect Christmas carols too, you need crazy pills....

And yes, that is a picture of a picture, remember I am Mother of the Year....you got somethin' to say 'bout it punk and next year, I'll be sharing my holiday spirit with YOU!!!

Why I love Christmas...

- Around this time every year, I seem to get blessed with a life sucking cold...the kind that makes you want to curl up into the fetal position and die...but wait, I can't, because Nolan insists he's hungry, ALL THE TIME...but even better...with a life sucking cold, comes the pale skin, the complexion breakout, the red nose, and the static-y hair...hubba hubba!!

- "Wook Mommy, dat man is wabing at us"
"No bug....actually...."vaaarrrooooommmmm...."that man just gave mommy the finger for stealing his parking spot at West Edmonton Mall....Happy Holidays Sir...Merry Christmas....*frantically waving back*..."

- The Grinch

- Not ALL my family is always together...Nat, one year, you guys are coming, and bringing everyone...I don't care if it takes 3 trips...just flip on the tv, pop some popcorn, leave out some milk for the remaining kids...they will be okay until you return for them...parents do it all the time.

- My  bank account laughs hysterically in my face by the time I attempt at buying my last present...wait...did I say last, I meant first.

- My fingers are raw, and I mean, raw - to the bone, bleeding, sore, can't touch a thing for weeks afterward from undoing the twist ties that hold toys into packages...Seriously Toy Manufacturerers - Must the twisty things be made of metal??  Must they be twisted upteen different ways??  Must you twist them so tight I cannot get my scissors in to cut them??  Work with me here!!!  That would be swell!!

I hope my insight brightened your Christmas spirit!! 

Happy Holidays!!  Haha

I did it...I bit the big one...

I am a self-proclaimed Grinch...Christmas has never really been my favorite time of the year...too much hoopla, and blech....that's all I can say....blech.

Nolan and I didn't have a tree up, and frankly I was sick and tired of being made to feel guilty, and catching crap about ruining Christmas for Nolan, yada yada yada....last night, I thought f*ck it, we are going to put up a tree, and enjoy every second of it's dying, decorated life....I picked Nolan up from 'taytare'...off we trudged, well, really we drove cause it is still kinda cold, and I am uber lazy, to the hardware store to get a tree stand.  While we were there, I told Nolan that he could pick one ornament, and every year, he can have a new one to hang on the tree (how's that for starting traditions - ruining his Christmas my ass! HA!, hahaha)...of all the ornaments he could have chosen, he picked this gold glittery spiky ball...uugggggly!..oh well...his choice...while we were there, my inside voice was saying *lisa, get an extension cord, lisa get an extension cord, you will need it for the lights. LISA GET A F*CKIN CORD*...I chose to ignore that voice...it's usually crazy anyways. Got our purchases from the store, and off to get our tree...we got to the IGA, cause in Barrhead, it is the grocery store that sells the trees - don't judge, haha...paid for the tree, found the man to help us, and threw a curve ball at him....we drive a car!  Bahaha....and we have no rope!...our tree must fit inside!...teehee!...we smushed that bastard (the tree, not the helpful man), into the backseat of my car, plunked Nolan into the front seat (safely of course, haha), and motored on our way home.  He thought riding in the front was the cat's ass!!  And lemme tell ya, my car smells pine-y fresh today!!....sooo, we get home, I figure out the tree stand, cut the net off the tree, only to realize, I've been bamboozled!!  We didn't one lovely tree...we got two separate charlie brown-ers stuck in the same net...well, not even...more like two charlie brown branches...FYI - do you know how hard it is to stick two trees into ONE tree stand, with one hand holding the trees together, and one tightening the stand??  NOT EASY!!!  The f bombs were flying, the christmas cheer was in full force, *sigh*  life in the Rowney house was good...I had no rope to tie my two charlie's together, so I had to use the netting that tricked me in the first place to tie my them together...but it is up...and unstable. If anyone sneezes in  my house, that sucker is gonna fall. 

Being that I chose to ignore my crazy voice in the hardware store, we now have a 5 foot string of lights leading from the plug in to the tree itself...whoops!!

As we were decorating it last night, Nolan looked me, "mommy, this is the most beatiful-est tree eber".

"And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day."

sneezing glitter....

So...being that it is -1500 here....okay, well maybe not that cold...only -1300 for the 6th day in a row...my office had no heat yesterday, I stayed home with my spider monkey.  I have realized now that I will never do this again.  I love him to death, and I love that he is so so so so so so so so SO excited for Christmas, but I will NEVER stay home with him for another day, this close to Christmas again.

We hit our white glue quota for the next 4 years yesterday.  We made Christmas decorations with glitter (my family will love love love them, I am SURE of it!...teehee....suckas!!...)....we painted....Nolan ran his Hot Wheels through the paint on the kitchen table (about this point, I was about ready to hang him by his ankles)...we made trains with felt and white glue...we watched movies....we built train tracks....we played with race cars.....I lost my mind.....

*sigh*...I'm glad to be at work today.

Winter...

Oh, how I loathe Winter...

"Mommy, let's play outside...".
"but Boog, it's snowy and cold outside, do you still wanna go out"
"yep"

We spend five minutes trying to find all of our winter stuff, to find out half of the stuff doesn't fit anymore...dig out the new stuff...15 minutes to get it all on...only to realize Nolan has to pee...take it all off...go pee...put it all back on...trudge outside...he wipes out in the snow, gets snow in his mitten...

"I cold..."
"do you wanna go back in?"
"yep".......

Repeat process in one hours time.....


Or, have you ever tried to buckle a kid in a car seat, one that is dressed like the abominable snowman??  It's no easy feat!!

Oh Winter...give us snow for Christmas, and then piss off.

My dearest....

My dearest ass;

I am writing to you, solely because I am getting angry...you are continually growing, much to my disliking. Please stop.  There are many other body parts that can afford to grow, but oh no, you choose to be selfish. Again, please stop. 

I am quite fond of the jeans we currently wear, however, you are making it so I have to litterally jump to fit into them...not cool, ass, not cool.  I do not want to part ways with my clothing.  I do wish to part ways with you...well, not all, but a chunk of you. 

May I remind you, that we are not a bear...we do not hibernate...we do not have a need to store body fat...I promise to feed you on a regular basis. 

Please consider this your warning...if this trend of growing continues, I will be forced to literally work you off, and we both know how much I hate that.

Please heed this advice...

Sincerly,

Me

Dear Santa....

Dear Santa;

My name is Nolan and I am a 3 year old boy.  I have been a good boy this year (by who's standards, I'm not sure). This year I would like a Red Robot.  I will be having a sleep over at Grandma's and Pepere's house, so that is where you can find me.

Love,

Nolan
Age 3


Dear Santa;

I don't really have an extensive list this year, but here are a few things that I would like...ready??....

A sudden influx of money...Oh wait, you don't do money??  Okay, how about paying all my bills....

A new house...approx 1800sq feet or so, but we won't be too picky

A new SUV...or any vehicle that doesn't dump us in the ditch at the first snowflake

An entirely new wardrobe - clothing and shoes, as we know that they go together

Help finding a fricking Red Robot...seriously.

and

A toaster that doesn't burn the shit out of my bagels.

Thanks Santa!!

Love,

Lisa
Age 28