Homemade Peanut Butter....

So, friends in internet land, do I have a recipe for you....

*DISCLAIMER* ONLY DO THIS IF YOU HATE YOUR VACCUM, HAVE A CARPET CLEANER, AND WANNA HEAR "TOLD YA MOMMY" FROM YOUR 4 YEAR OLD.

SO, Bugsley has this thing where he loves to snack in his bedroom while he is watching cartoons.  I get it, everyone loves a snack.  He however, hates to eat like a civilized human, and clean up after himself.  After being told 1000's of times to pick the peanuts up off of the floor, and 1000's of times ignoring me, I got mad and did it myself.  Now, I may have slacked a bit crapload, and thought I could just vaccum them up. Here, ladies and gentleman, is where you should don your specs, grab a pen and paper.....I'll wait.......................................................

All ready??

Ok, so, the first step, obviously, clean up the dinosaurs and lizards and miscellanous pieces that you know for a fact do NOT go through the vaccum....

Now, vaccum up those peanuts.  Yep, this is nice and simple.  Just suck 'em up....it helps if you have an upright vaccum, but anyone will do, I'm sure.

Next...continue to vaccuum, but keep in note, this is where the carpet cleaner will come in handy....see those grease spots that are being left on the floor, yep, those brownish ones, yeah...well, in the creation of this delish concoction, I noticed them too....and then noticed that the vaccum wasn't really working, and oddly enough, there were not crushed peanuts in the canister of the vaccum...how bizarre...shouldn't they be the size of the peanut topping on ice cream?? 

Now, this is where you may will curse.  Flip that bad boy vaccum over onto its back, so you can get a nice view of the beater bar....see all that peanut mulch stuck up in there....There's your peanut butter!!!!!  You will have to use a butter knife to scrape it out, and make sure you get it all cause we all know that peanuts can go rancid, and that would make your vaccum smell awesome!  Get it all scraped out, and give your vaccum a try again....Dang, isn't that awesome how it works so well again......I know mine was like a whole new vaccum...

I'm sure your 4 year old will now enter the room, to proclaim what a mess you made, get mad because you ruined his 'peanut bowl'...aka chair, and loudly proclaim "told ya you couldn't vaccum up peanuts mom...."....proceed with swearing.

Haul out that carpet cleaner to clean the grease marks.

Ladies and gentleman, you have now created peanut butter using only your vaccum!!!!  Not to mention, pissed off your neighbors with the sound of the peanuts being mulched, swore at everyone in a 5 foot radius, dang near stabbed yourself with your butter knife, and swore if Bugsley ate in his bedroom one more time, he was going on a liquid diet.