My dearest....

My dearest ass;

I am writing to you, solely because I am getting angry...you are continually growing, much to my disliking. Please stop.  There are many other body parts that can afford to grow, but oh no, you choose to be selfish. Again, please stop. 

I am quite fond of the jeans we currently wear, however, you are making it so I have to litterally jump to fit into them...not cool, ass, not cool.  I do not want to part ways with my clothing.  I do wish to part ways with you...well, not all, but a chunk of you. 

May I remind you, that we are not a bear...we do not hibernate...we do not have a need to store body fat...I promise to feed you on a regular basis. 

Please consider this your warning...if this trend of growing continues, I will be forced to literally work you off, and we both know how much I hate that.

Please heed this advice...

Sincerly,

Me